I realize the topic I am about to hit is not one most pastor’s wives would touch with a 10-foot pole, but then again, I am not most pastor’s wives. So I plan on hitting it head on.
In the seat that I sit, I have the great opportunity to talk to lots of women. I love that. In doing so, I see a common thread with us as women that we have to change because it is dangerous. I also see it not only in the church but in the community as well. Let me explain.
We need to stop competing with each other and love and embrace the heck out of each other. Our insecurities are driving this and because of that we are causing devastation to others lives. We tend to be judgmental to what we don’t understand, so why not extend an understanding hand to other women and not judge them just because we don’t understand them. Ladies, we just gotta do better!
It doesn’t matter if it is in the church or out, it is not partial to economic status or race but it is common to us as women in general, we let our insecurities cause problems with other women. Let me share some examples.
I sat and listened as group of women critiqued a beautiful woman who walked in the room. She was a very pretty blond. She was petite with a slight frame. She had a beautiful smile. She was very stylish (in my opinion), athletically fit and in general, just well put together. When she came in the room, I recognized her. I knew her. The other ladies I don’t believe knew her, if they did it certainly was not to the extent that I did. But just then, the onslaught began. Every great attribute she possessed, they began to tear apart. She was thin because she was anorexic or vein. She was pretty because she had plastic surgery and was obsessed with her appearance. She dressed well because she was shallow and wanted attention. She probably spent too much on clothes anyway. Her smile was fake and she probably wasn’t happy. Her life was probably miserable. She probably thinks she’s better than anyone else and she must be stuck-up. These ladies actually verbalized their thoughts and it wasn’t as fast as I listed it out, it was over the course of a meal, but they still made their thoughts known. Some of us go there, we just don’t necessarily say it out loud, both are dangerous stances though.
To hear this happening from a group near me made my heart break because unlike them, I actually knew her well. I thought to my self, “They would really have a fit if they knew how talented she is too!” But the thing is, I did know her and she was NOTHING like what they were describing. She is literally one of the kindest, sweetest, ladies I know. She would do anything for anyone, and she does. She has a great family and is upstanding in her community. It made me sad.
I was sitting by the pool with a fellow pastor’s wife. This lady is one of the coolest I know. As we sat there, she recounted the same story I just wrote about but the participants were different. She lives in another state. It was happening across the country too. It made me sad.
I meet on a regular basis with a group of women who don’t come to our church but are from the community. The last time I was with them, not one of us was dry-eyed when we left the meeting. It started with one woman sharing how other women had picked her apart most of her life and ended with all of us feeling that at some point or another in our lives. But judging from the tears, the wounds didn’t seem very old for any of us. After that encounter, I was determined to do something about it. It made me sad.
Ladies, we don’t need to compete with each other. We all have a huge role to play in this life. We don’t need to criticize another woman to make ourselves feel better about our insecurities. We actually need each other. If we could stop judging and start loving I think we would see a powerful move of God happen. Can you imagine what would happen if we decided to become each others solution instead of each others competition? We need to be a place of safety for each other. We need to cheer each other on EVEN if we don’t necessarily understand everything about the other person. We are different for a reason, embrace that.
One of the women closest to me in my life is someone who is totally opposite from me, in just about every way. She is way smarter than me and way more organized than me. However, I get to help her with things that are more creative in nature because that is how I am wired. She keeps me on task and I keep her having fun! We don’t compete, we complete. We need each other. What would happen if we tried to BE each other? We would be insecure and both of us would be missing something valuable in our lives. We would also feel as if we never measured up because I wasn’t meant to be her and she wasn’t meant to be me. I tired to be super organized, it left me frustrated. She helps me with that and she loves it.
Let’s not sabotage the potential for a great relationship because of fear or insecurity. There are some amazing women out there who NEED YOU!
Remember this:
Hurt people, hurt people.
People who feel judged, judge.
Healed people, heal people.
Let’s choose to get healed up so we can help others heal. Let’s love other women and be their biggest fans! Let’s choose to be us and not anyone else. We can be the best us we can be but we make a lousy somebody else. Any ladies with me?
Posted in Friendships with the Pastor, Life Lessons, Other, Relationships
Penny Maxwell 